One step closer...

So, a change of mind has to come about! I get so consumed with the failed cycles; I beat myself up, I get very depressed, I ask the "why me" questions, I apologize to my husband for not giving him children... I go through it all! I have to stop!!! It becomes so overwhelming I think I could just live and breath in bed crying all day.

After some serious soul searching, some talks with Joe, and some inspiration from a dear friend I have decided to change my way of thinking. No, it's not going to be simple. I plan to challenge myself each day. I'm going to challenge myself to be optimistic!!!! And as most of you know, it's very hard for me to be optimistic! But something has got to change.

SO... I'm going to approach each cycle as one cycle closer to having our baby! Instead of focusing on all the failures, I'm going to remain positive. We are just one cycle closer to our baby! I know deep down in my soul that I am meant to be a mother and I feel it in my bones that our baby will be biologically ours!!! I know this may seem selfish and stubborn to some people, but I'm not to a point where adoption is an option for us. Joe is supportive no matter what we decide he's fine with it, but I feel it, I will be pregnant and give birth to our baby!

Currently, I have begun our next cycle... this means 250mg of Clomid for 5 days, 2000mg of Metformin daily, some positivity and a lot of willing, and some meditation. I've got one more day of my Clomid to take, and the hot flashes have returned. I had forgotten how bad they were the last time because that was a 66 day cycle!!!! But I'm reminded... and I'm trying to remind myself that instead of suffering through them, I'll just be thankful that I have a little fan on my desk at work and I work in a building where I don't have to pay for the air conditioning!!!

Positivity, it has wonderful affects on the body!!!