20 Weeks, and another peek!!!!

Oh my goodness, the time has come (and now gone, sorry for the late post). We were able to see our precious Punkin at 20 weeks just before Valentine’s Day. It didn’t occur to me how special of a Valentine this really was at first. I’ve always associated Valentine’s Day as a holiday for Joe and me (even though we’ve never really made too big a deal out of it). But this year, it truly was about love and the love that Joe and I share that has created this beautiful, precious, priceless little bundle growing in my belly.


We made the decision several weeks ago that we would not find out Punkin’s sex. This whole struggle with infertility has stolen many surprises of this pregnancy that we wanted to leave the best one intact. Our doctor and our ultrasound tech were very respectful of this decision, which I have to admit shocked me given the popularity of finding out the sex. Doctor didn’t want it anywhere in any medical records (so she didn’t accidentally slip) and the ultrasound tech stayed far away from that region for us (we didn’t even have to turn our heads because she was going to look, she just didn’t).

Goop applied… and there was our precious Punkin. I had avoided eating anything way too sugary that morning because I wanted to be sure that we could get good pictures and good measurements of everything. So many people forget that this ultrasound at 20 weeks is to make sure that the anatomy is developing on track. I didn’t! I had my fears about Punkin’s little heart, considering the congenital birth defect in Joe’s heart when he was born; I had fears about the brain development; I had fears about the stomach growing on the outside of the belly… let’s just say, I had fears. I don’t know if those fears are completely subsided, but I needed to see and hear someone tell me that everything looked on track. Punkin behaved beautifully!! There was some wiggling (I really think this baby is going to be camera shy considering we’ve looked at Punkin so many times (6 weeks, 8 weeks, 10 weeks, and now 20 weeks). Then there was a stubborn moment. Our ultrasound tech needed to look at the spine and skin covering the spine to rule out spina bifida and Punkin found a cozy spot and wouldn’t move for the longest time. I was on each side, on my back, the ultrasound wand was used to shake and poke, but Punkin stayed put. Finally, after about 10 minutes our ultrasound tech was able to annoy Punkin so much that she got to see the last 2 inches of the spine.

I just couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. Punkin was looking fantastic!!! No holes in the heart, stomach developing just right, brain looked good, no obvious birth defects. Sigh of relief!!! I wasn’t hoping for a perfect baby, just bracing myself for any news and just hoping that we could handle whatever had been given to us. I never even thought to look at Joe to see how he was reacting. We were holding hands so at least this time I was touching him. He’s such a calm and collected person but apparently he was grinning from ear to ear and just enjoying watching our baby and me. He told me later he glanced at me a few times and I just had the biggest smile on my face! I grinned the rest of the day!

Then we were back to see the doctor and she reported that everything looked great! Punkin was measuring right on track and they were not going to bump my due date. They really shouldn’t because we have such a solid knowledge of when conception occurred. So, we are still set for July 1st!!! We got some beautiful profile pictures of Punkin to add to the scrapbook as well as share with friends and family. We also got a DVD of the ultrasound to go back and watch, which we have yet to do. Some day I’m sure we’ll watch it again.

I was very open about our struggles with infertility; and, for whatever reason, I have locked down. This is just our experience. I know it’s not always fair to family and friends, considering all the support we had throughout our struggles; and forgive me for being selfish, but this is our experience. Me, Joe, and Punkin. This is the first time we are a family of three (that doesn’t include the furry four legged type) so I am going to enjoy it. I want to share this with my husband, the father of our child. Sure I talk to other people and family about the progress of “the bump” but this is just ours. Like when our love for each other was new. It was ours and only ours. Only the two of us could understand it. Eventually, when we were ready, we shared it with the world. We’re not ready to share Punkin completely yet. We’re still falling in love, the three of us. But for now, here’s what we will share… our precious little Valentine.

19 weeks... oh crap!!

Sorry for the title... but that's how I feel right now.  OH CRAP!!!  We're already 19 weeks!?!?!?!  This is crazy!  There are times I feel like our Punkin is taking forever to grow, then other times... like today when I read that Punkin is 6 inches long that I think, oh crap... 6 inches?!?!?!  And there's barely a bump?

Pregnancy does some really weird stuff to you.  On the one hand this is a blessing and a miracle that we are actually experiencing this when we spent so much time dreaming about it.  On the other hand, this is weird!!!!!  I keep commenting that my humor is what's getting me through.  I'm very fortunate to have a good attitude about all this weirdness, that it's just hard not to laugh.  I'm not sure if I have the time or the space to detail all of my little different laughs... maybe I should write a book... but let me share this one:

So, for the record, I can still button my pants.  I may not be able to sit in them without busting a button and flinging it across the room to poke someone's eye out... but they still button!!!!  My dear boss (ever the brutally honest type) makes a comment to me that it's time to wear maternity clothes.  But, my pants still button... why do I want to wear something that comes all the way up to my boobs... I'm not an old lady!!!!  But I decide if she's saying something, obviously I need to spend a little more time in front of the mirror!!!  So that next week I decide to pull out the maternity stuff that was filling my closet, as the "I can't wear pile" in the loft grew and grew.  I'm very excited about my maternity wear, I found some great deals and some really cute clothes, but again, no bump to really show.  So... on goes the belly pocket pants.  My husband just giggled because I was going back and forth from the bathroom in just my pants and my bra... I wasn't cold... my new stretchy pouch covered all the way up!!!!  Hell, I could have left in that and not realized it until I was at work!  I finally remembered to put on my shirt and Joe commented, "WOW you look pregnant today"........ "WHA WHA WHAT?!?!?!?  Do I look that fat?!"  I just started giggling because when I actually did turn and look in the mirror, sure as snot... there's a bump!!!  Ok boss... maybe it was time!!!!! 

Ok, I know, not that funny yet... then I had to go to the bathroom for the first time in my pouchy pants later that morning.  So I go to the bathroom... remember what the kind lady in the maternity clothes store said and pull down the stretchy part so that I don't stretch out the material, then sit.  Well... I almost started to pee when I bolt upright... I forgot to pull down my underwear!!!!!!!!!!!  Thankfully I was able to remedy this situation before needing to complete most of my day commando!!!  I was by myself in the bathroom just giggling so hard, it's a good thing I was already prepared to pee!!!!  It's ok, you can laugh at me... I'm doing it to myself, constantly!!!!

There's many more, and I'm sure there will be many to come, but this is just the beginning.  Well, not quite, I guess this is just the half way point.  There's a bump for sure, I still feel fat instead of pregnant, but the maternity clothes help, and I've gotten a few remarks about how I do actually look pregnant.  Oh and can I just throw this out... please stare at my belly when I don't know you're looking!!!  Please don't make eye contact with me then look at the belly then back to my eyes... it's very distracting!!!  I guess I know how larger busted women feel when people talk to their cleavage!!!  It makes you self conscious!!!  And do be perfectly honest, it's rude!!!!  Talk to me, not the bump!!!  I almost wish people were talking to my boobs... I've never really had the boobs that deserved talking to, and now they do!!!!  Just another one of those weird things... you get great boobs while you're pregnant!

Ok, I'll stop, save some for another day, because I'm sure my dad is reading this turning red with embarrassment!!!  And now that I've called him out he's chuckling and shaking his head!  Yes, Daddy, I know you!!!  Pretty please, enjoy a laugh at my expense, it's ok... it makes me happy!!!  I'm so very blessed to be experiencing this how can I not be thankful and have a good attitude about it all???  Yes, including the heartburn I'm currently experiencing... according to old wives tales, my baby will have hair if I have heartburn!  So here's to the little hairy monkey we affectionately call Punkin!!!  Mommy loves you!!!  Sorry for the TMI my baby!!!

xoxo